Attention Deficit David

Random thoughts from today

I got up at about 7:00 a.m. to pee and stepped in cat poop. I had to hop to the bathroom on the other foot and wash it off.

Segue

We ordered Chinese food tonight from the excellent Johny's Wok. We haven't ordered in a while partially because we've been cooking at home to be more frugal and partially because I've been traveling less, which means I can go to the grocery more.

The delivery guy, who I think is one of the owners came to the door and said to me, "what, did you lose our menu?"

Chinese food plus guilt. Must be kosher chinese.

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photo.jpg, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Heat™

Press Release - For Immediate Distribution

Nyack, NY March 15, 2009, David Schloss, Inc., the developers of the popular Air™ brand breathing product announce their newest development, Heat™ warming environment.

Air™, a proprietary blend of gasses has been used for generations as the leading breathing product, and is found across the globe. The success of Air™ has lead to many other great products, including Moist™ brand dampener and Night™, the leading nocturnal context.

"Heat™ is a major development," explains company president and Chief Thing Officer David Schloss. "Heat™ ties together all of our other products into a cohesive mix that will help us to further revolutionize living and is part of strategy to create Environment™, our upcoming Existence Matrix."

Heat™ works by agitating molecules, creating a perceived warmth or warming sensation. When used in combination with Air™ or Moist™, Heat™ has different effects. With Moist™ the product creates a greater experience of Heat™ than when used with Air™ alone. Some people prefer the drier experience of Air™ and Heat™ together, which is is part of the power of the existence matrix developed by David Schloss, Inc.

"We designed these products to be used as part of the recently ratified Existence Standard, ISO 99999, which means that Heat™ will work in conjunction with third-party products like Chill(sm) and Bask™, produced by Schlanderson Corp.," says Schloss. "Likewise, Heat™ can be used in conjunction with Sun™ or Chemical™, from Flanders, Inc."

Heat™ is available anywhere that humans reside in one of six different kits, including Match™, Flint™ (with optional Tinder™),Lightning™, Heat Starter™, Heat Pro™, Heat Home™ and Heat Ultimate 2009 XP™.

Mice Wars

I've begun spray painting the back ends of the mice we catch to try to see if they're just fucking with my head. Also to report: moles are incredibly cute, much more active than mice, and loud.

If you see a mouse with fluorescent orange legs and ass, please do not bring him to my house.