My friend Dan Havlik, who took over my old post at PDN as Tech Editor tweeted recently that he thought he could review a banana at this point if someone paid him to do it. Clearly I have more get-go than he does, because I'm going to do it here for free.
When God exiled Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, he did so because of the ingestion of a certain pomaceous fruit as common to we northeners as the coconut is to those who live in the tropics. Despite the oddity of Elohim casting people out of a paradise because they partook of a fruit not at all common to the region (the term "apple" simply meant a fruit that was not native) for my money Jehovah might have been a bit more upset had Eve and Adam enjoyed together a banana instead.
Bananas, which are part of the Muscaeae family are indigenous to the tropics and Southeast Asia, though our review banana came, according to its label from Brazil and so might vary slightly from the bananas produced in countries like China, Ecuador, Columbia and Brundi, but our sample unit seemed to meet the specifications of the fruit in general, that is to say that it was firm, yellow and had just the slightest hint of fruit aroma. It evoked, in short, a feeling that one was actually in the tropics not just partaking in a fruit derived from there.
Our banana came, typically, in a bunch along with several other bananas not used in this review. Other bananas in the review sample seemed to have been produced just slightly out of specification, with one slightly brown on one edge and another one displaying a bit of green on the edges. This is not uncommon in bananas and is one reason why users must pay attention to the selection and to the purveyor.
The reason that Yahweh might rather have selected a banana than an apple was immediately obvious upon use of the review unit—just holding a banana produces a slight giggle at the erotic nature of the object. It's is by definition phallic in a way that an apple will never be.
Using a banana could not be simpler as it is equipped with a large pull-tab at the top which serves double duty as a method of securing it to the rest of the bananas, which are called a "bunch." Pulling back the tab reveals the inner fruit which is often secured to the packaging with numerous strands that are used in the reproduction of the fruit, again a reason why it might have been better placed in Eden.
The test banana yielded good results when a knife was applied, it separated in uniform and firm sections and did not display either the crumbling nor mushiness that's often reported by users. It's possible that other bananas in the same bunch would exhibit these qualities, but that was not the case with our review unit.
As is often done we deployed the banana over Rice Krispies cereal, a perfect showcase for the texture and flavor of the banana, which ads much to the otherwise bland cereal. Other regular uses for bananas are in breads, covered in chocolate (again more erotic than the apple) and by themselves.
While the banana was flavorful I did notice an odd itching sensation upon eating it, but that's possibly due to an allergic reaction and not due to the product itself.
Bananas are readily available in all good grocery stores, directly via PeaPod and at bodegas and corner markets—whatever the company is doing for advertising, it's working, as the product seems to be everywhere. Even coffee shops and other merchants sell them although at a premium for the convenience.
Sadly, bananas don't travel well, we found that another of the units in the bunch showed serious deformity when transported in a pocket—that's likely the reason for the higher pricing for single-unit sales at some merchants.
Pricing varies depending on geographic location and number of bananas in the bunch.
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