A strange week in my kitchen, part one

It's been a bit weird in the kitchen this week—we had a photo shoot on Thursday, which caused me to completely clean everything to a condition as spotless as I could possibly make it.

On Friday, Abby and I decided to cook and make a nice romantic fire. This is the point at which I'll change the names to protect the innocent. Or the idiots, as the case may be.

Spouse 1 begins to make preparations for a fire, placing nice amounts of newspaper, fire starter and nice dry logs; grabs match, lights fire. Spouse 2 walks over and peers into the fireplace over their shoulder.

Spouse 1 - "Are you checking to see if I opened the flue?"

Spouse 2 - "Uh huh."

Spouse 1 - "Well, I did."

This is the point at which smoke, in small and delicate curls begins to waft out of the fire place. There is a bit of a pause as we both look at each other. Then a longer pause as smoke begins to exit the mantle in thicker, less attractive waves. Spouse 2 then tries to reach the handle for the flue with a pair of fireplace tongs, as the metal armature is now being licked by the kiss of ever-growing flames.

Spouse 1 - "Wait, is that the flue?"

Spouse 2 - "Uh, yeah."

Spouse 1 - "Then what's that thing?" (They point to the small vent hole on the side used to duct air into the fireplace and increase the burn rate of the materials therein. Spouse 2 explains purpose of that aperture while staring up at the rapidly-filling ceiling, smoke now billowing toward the smoke detector on the ceiling. Spouse 2 recalls that their neighbor is a fireman, and thinks about how really incredibly much they do not want to have to have their neighbor show up in a big red truck.

Spouse 2 - "Go get a fan, really fast." Spouse 2 then grabs the ten-pound ABC-class fire extinguisher sitting next to the fire place, pulls the pin and (for what is not the first time in their life) extinguishes a fire gone just a bit out-of-control. The fire is immediately knocked out, as the mantle is suddenly covered in a mix of acrid fire retardant chemical. Spouse 1 arrives back in the room with a very large fan, and helps open all the windows in the house before the alarm goes off.

Needless to say we didn't have quite the romantic meal in the kitchen (we ended up watching some of Heroes on TV) but we do now have a house that smells like a Germanic hunting lodge. A romantic Germanic hunting lodge.

Comments

[DW]

I don't know which spouse is which, but just based on the responses, I have a pretty good idea...Thankfully the photo shoot was on Thursday. Good times, good times.