Attention Deficit David

Are you kidding me, Saturn?

I love Saturn. Really. You'll recall that one of their vehicles kept me and my wife alive recently. But the company just did something odd.

I got a package in the mail thanking me for my purchase of my Saturn Greenline Vue. Now, for those of you recent readers to this blog (uh huh) I should mention a few things. First, the Greenline is Saturn's hybrid, more environmentally friendly car. The second is that I owned one, and it was destroyed in said car accident above, repaired by a body shop, and then sold.

Back to the story. So I get a package from Saturn which includes information on my OnStar service (the ninth time they've sent me info on the service) and a glossy brochure about the environmentally friendly Vue. Let me say that again—a glossy brochure about my environmentally friendly car. Two pages of hard card stock, gloss coated. Sixteen pages of internal high gloss stock. Blow in card. Nary a "this document was printed using soy inks on recycled paper" statement anywhere.

This document was then enclosed in a large high-gloss printed folder/mailer, which was then delivered (we presume) directly to a post office with many many others of these. The post office then proceeded to drive the mailer to each and every recipient in a non-hybrid vehicle.

Somewhere at Saturn, someone had the idea of producing the least possible environmentally friendly "welcome" package and delivering it to their environmentally conscious customers in the least environmentally friendly delivery system imaginable. And someone else approved it, signed off on the budget and had a lot of people oversee it.

Awesome.

But it gets better. Inside this package is "a special gift" just for me. Usually I directly throw out/recyle mail that tells me there's a free gift inside. Aside from cash or plane tickets to a Caribbean island, there's not much I can do with what you can fit inside an envelope and call a "gift". But, since I wanted to se what was inside this "welcome" package, I decided to open it up.

Imagine my surprise when I found that the "gift" is a spare key to the car I no longer own. That's right, they sent me another copy of my key inside a nice little rubber wallet-sized holder. Only, as I'm no longer the owner of demolished/rebuilt/sold Saturn, I now have the key to someone else's car.

Of course, even if this package included the key to my vehicle, I'd still be a bit miffed now as I previously mentioned that I throw away these packages, and because this package was sitting on the porch outside my house until we grabbed the mail today.

Attention thieves: Saturn mails spare keys to the cars sitting in driveways all over the country! All you have to do is wait until someone gets a new Saturn, and check their mail regularly. Sooner or later, you'll be able to drive away with a brand new car!

Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament

Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Those wacky, wacky Brits

After a nice week in South Carolina on vacation (the highlights of which were seeing dolphins swimming in the river and nearly having my head taken off by a hawk that flew RIGHT....OVER...ME...), I hopped a plane to the good ol' UK for a bit of teaching.

Arriving last night I found myself in a typically yank-vs-Brit exchange. Leaving Paddington station there are two exits for the taxi line, and they're about 100 feet apart from each other. They empty on the same queue. They're probably supposed to be manned by a guy who prevents pandaemonium, but he's obviously been sacked, and so two lines sort of merged, face on to each other. I faced a couple, a brit woman and an american guy, and the man said "so, what happens here?" "We just sort of run into each other and fight for a cab" I said, jokingly. The woman noticed that at this point a line extended off behind me. "There's a line now" she said, although she was obviously there BEFORE everyone on the line.

"Yes," added another Brit behind me, "the back of the line is there" and pointed toward the line, now twenty people long.

I pointed out that I was already on that line, being the first person there (man number two standing BEHIND me and all) and then he said "no you aren't". A tad dumbfounded and more than a bit jet lagged, I said "yes, I am, I came out that door."

"No, you didn't" he replied.

Okay, now at this point if I were not American I'd have done what the British woman made the couple do, demur and get on the end of the now very-very long cab line. And had I come out the other door (and mind you, there's nothing at all wrong with that other door, it's ALSO the taxi door and in fact comes out slightly farther ahead of the door I came out, and the people behind me were on) I might have given up and gone to the end of the line as well. But the reason this bloke didn't know I came out the door ahead of him was because I came out so much ahead of him he didn't see me.

I pointed out that I did in fact come out the door, and described to him where the door is located. "You're right, I'm wrong" without any trace of believing that. Which is when I got in a cab and left. It seemed a typical example of the blowhard American facing off with the more proper Brit. It must have taken him a lot to have gotten so cheeky with me.

By the way, are you enjoying my British-isms?

Today walking around the city I headed to Buckingham palace just in time to find the house band squaring off with the Queen's mounted band in a sort of song-off. And what Empire-Centric song were they oom-paa-paa-ing in the courtyard of the palace?

Hey big spender.

Really, I'm not kidding. This place sort of confounds me.

Who loves England? I love England!

Who loves England? I love England!, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Night on the cooper river

Night on the cooper river, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Canvas

Canvas, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Going for a walk

Going for a walk, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Mission failure.

Mission failure., originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

The great explorer.

The great explorer., originally uploaded by davidjschloss.